woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They took my balls.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
