He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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