The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
