You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize