You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
