I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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