so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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