i would punch a child for taco bell
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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