like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
