Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
