In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
