I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
