we made out on top of his cat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
