please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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