I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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