first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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