i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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