Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
