can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
