I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
