What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
