I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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