Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's great music for shaving your balls
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize