I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
soo... how was my night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
