There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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