Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we're so committed to being not committed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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