I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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