just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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