That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize