I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
