Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
