I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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