; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
im on a boat
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