i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
