i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
