She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
