They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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