just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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