I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
