I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
