i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
