U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
