just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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