I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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