the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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