I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
