Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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