This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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