Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
