weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
