I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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