Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
