bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am never drinking with the goths again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
