respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just forgot I was standing up.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
