just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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