Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
