my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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