Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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