So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
