last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
