So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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