her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
