i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
