are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
