she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
