why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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