his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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